You know it is completely okay to not feel sexual all the time and it is completely okay to not enjoy sex every time!
That being said, women go through a lot of changes after childbirth, and sometimes it can be painful to have penetrative sex.
After childbirth, for most couples, sexual life almost comes to a standstill or reduces drastically. Not just physical intimacy but also the spark or bonding do have some cracks that need to be fixed.
And most women are not able to communicate to their partners as to what they really want. This can be so stressful at times, not able to convey what you really want to do with your partner can lead to conflicts in relationships too, and your partner may feel that you are not interested in him/her.
So, we have addressed a few common concerns on postpartum sex and tips to make your life easier.
👉🏽Penetrative sex can be painful for New Mothers, so what are the other options for the couples to be intimate?
Often, sex is equated to penetration. We are always making it penis-centric and not concerned about the other body pleasures. And also it is not like sex ends when a man ejaculates, this is not how it has to be.
Sex has to end when both partners feel that it is the end. Penetration is one part of sex and not the only thing in sex. It does not always have to be that something is inserted in the vagina.
You can try making it into a fun activity and get to know each other’s stimulation points. You can draw silhouettes and make a note of the points using different colors.
You can try different temperatures, like try taking a shower together. It should be like a play and having fun together, not as some task assigned and you both have to complete it.
Both partners have to be open to exploring, at the same time self-pleasure is equally important. Sexual exploration has been in our culture since ancient times and it is well within our cultural boundaries.
And you both are in a relationship, you both have to care for each other, look out for each other, and have some fun together. New parents tend to forget that they are also a couple and they need to keep the couple's relationship lively and fun!
It is important to understand what each other’s pleasure points are. You and your partner have to be mindful of each other’s bodies to understand each other better.
👉🏽Accepting a postpartum body by New Mothers can affect sexual life? How can one overcome this?
Yes, it can affect sexual life. Because if you are not comfortable with your body, being comfortable with someone else can be a bit difficult.
Start building a relationship with your new body, that is the postpartum body. Our body is not going to be the same throughout our life. It is going to change and be different at different stages of life. You need to accept that.
All of us would have heard about body positivity, like loving your body, thinking positive things about your body. Though this may sound simple, this may be difficult to follow for some because though you might feel good about your body, there is always some external pressure saying the opposite.
But there is something called body neutrality that can really help. It is to see not how your body looks but what your body does for you. Look at it as a vessel, look at the different ways that it serves you.
Make a note of what your body does for you from the second you wake up, this can bring a lot of change, acceptance of your body, and also be grateful to your body for the number of tasks it does for you.
The next thing is to dress for the body you have, not for the body you aspire. Buy clothes that your current body will be comfortable in and not for the body you want to be in.
It is like buying the right size slippers for your feet. You buy the ones that fit you, make you feel good, and comfortable right? In the same way, buy clothes that fit your current body.
👉🏽Why is it important for new mothers to explore their identity and self-pleasure?
It is so easy to get consumed with another person’s experiences or what the other person is bringing into the equation and become someone who reacts to it without really thinking about ourselves.
Some kind of disconnection with oneself can happen with any new role you take on to. The route to come back is to connect with one’s body. When it comes to pleasure, it is not just about touching someone’s genitals or masturbation. There is more to it.
For some, drinking their tea could bring so much pleasure, reading a book, reading a comic, going shopping, or something else that you enjoy. It is important to bring such experiences so that you feel good about yourself.
The more you feel good about yourself, the happier you will be, the better you can be with your baby, you will be more productive, you will be a better partner, self-pleasure is not selfish, it is self-care.
Our body has memory, whether it is positive or negative emotions, our body has the memory of everything we experience. The touch, the smell, our body responds to the environment. Whether it is good or bad, your body immediately responds. All you have to do is to listen to it.
When you connect with your body, you will be able to listen to your body. There are ways to do this, you can try intuitive dancing or joyful dancing - put on a song, any song of your choice. Close the door, make sure there is nobody in the room and start moving your body intuitively however your body wants to move, don't worry about how it looks, just move your body, don't look in the mirror, just groove to the music. It can help you relax your body and loosen up.
The other thing that is super useful is the progressive muscle relaxation technique. You can check videos on this and practice on a daily basis. Whenever your body feels tense, or any part of your body is tense, your body senses it and consciously signals to relax.
Being a new mom can be so stressful and drain your energies. Intentionally being involved in such techniques can come a long way in helping yourself. You have to start doing things that bring you pleasure and happiness. It does not matter how simple it is, what you do is what matters.
These things can help you in self-identity and exploring self-pleasure. Connect with your body and yourself first to understand yourself better.
Take away
Invest your time to know yourself. It is very important if you want to be comfortable with your partner.
Touched out feeling in new mothers is REAL.
You need to find things that you will fail at and accept them. For example, you may not know how to play football, that is completely okay. Only when you accept that you do not know, you are open to learning.
Do things that you will fail at or you are not good at. Even if you cannot write well, write. Because this is an important message that you can pass on to your child as well, that it is okay to be bad at something, just because you are bad, does not mean you cannot try.
Having experiences does not mean you have only a good experience. Experiences are something that you feel when you face a situation, and what you learn from it.
Sex ends when both partners feel it is an end, not just when a man is satisfied.
You can start making a list called the “I DID” list. Watch the complete video to know what it is about.
The conversation with the expert was power-packed and informative. It is something every new or tobe parent should watch. The things you only had in your mind, but could not communicate with your partner, can be easily done by watching this video or by sharing this video with your partner.
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